remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
