either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
