Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
