That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
