the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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