I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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