I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just tell him i said nine months
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
