The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
