he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
