He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
