whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
