pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
