I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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