And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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