Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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