i was born a porn star she said
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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