Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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