We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
