oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
