pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
