So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
