So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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