I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
