I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
