Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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