dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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