He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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