Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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