i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
