Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
