He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
