i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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