I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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