Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
