I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
