i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
