i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
