Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
