Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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