Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
