I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
