she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
