don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
