i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
