theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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