your parents love me but you hate me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
