i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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