OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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