In the future we'll all be gay
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
