the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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