i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
