did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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