The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
