I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize