pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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