i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
