Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
