apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
