It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
