Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
