Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
