so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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