My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
