And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
