Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
