I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
