trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
