Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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