So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
