adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
