You're completely useless in the revolution.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
