i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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