Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
