Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Panties = found
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
